29th Mar 2004


hmm... solved the mystery of Sonia's reaction yesterday... she didnt know i was in ACJC... hmm...

lolz... feeling rather satisfied with myself now... .think i have figured out quite a bit about the new computing chapter... gd to know i hvnt totally lost my touch... i get the feeling that 1SE3 is starting to warm up.. great to see ppl starting to talk to 1 another.. but still the draw of 1SE6 is strong... i guess its just my comfort zone calling me... jeez.. what should i do? hope Mdm Ng replies soon so that the decision is taken out of my hands... kk, rather boring day.. will have Double period PE and CO tmr... gonna be exhausted... oh well... nitez ppl!



Feeling: sleepy, Warm!

What i learnt today:
"/n" in C++ is actually the quivilant of hitting the "Enter" Key as in if u need to point at the end of a line cin.get()="/n" works... why didnt i figure this earlier i dunno... gee im so outta touch with programming

28th Mar 2004


Corrected some design flaws in this template... think i may wanna change it totally soon.. hmm... oh yeah... Got my Siemens M55 today :D... the model itself is a year old... but i think it looks good and relatively simple... no radio and the bells and whistles of today's "in" phone.. haha... cool stuff...

Wondering what caused Sonia's reaction to me this morning.. haha... and what it was in the 1st place... Surprise? but why? i mean... huh? yes, i hv absolutely no clue... maybe i should have asked her earlier but it kinda slipped my mind...

1st day in my new class... oh how i miss our old class.. the bond that we forged was so incredibly strong... 1SE6... i hope to join up with some... some of the old 1SG3... Bryan had also decided to drop Chem(his 4th Subj) to join SE5 or 6... Ying Ying hates her teachers... (ouch) and i positvely loath my GP teacher... NG GP... what a B****... im seriously not going to enjoy any of her lessons...

Feeling: Relaxed
What i learnt today:
Database managing sux big time if u dont plan it from the beginning... jeez..
Oh and My.yahoo Rox!

i'm a kitten,your a kitten,im a kitten, your a kitten *lick *scratch scratch

Time to stop chasing shadows i think... haha... thats what Ben said... and it so applies now...

Feeling: a weight has been lifted

Yesterday

Impromptu
Arrogence
Scorpion!


wow.. 27 Mar 2004, the day of Impromptu decisions... ok.. the day started off easy enough... Headed to school for CO hung around and made very off-tune noises with my flute... jeez... wt do u expect from a guy who hasnt touched the bamboo stick for 2 yrs... then here comes the interesting part... oh hey... ive got to get to NTU for the MENSA test... oh shit, i didnt bring my pencil case... oh nvm i'll juz borrow 1 from sm1 there... oh crap, im outa money... (needed $28 to sit for the test). i'll get it from the ATM... 2 hrs later... oh **** i forgot to jack the ATM... lolz... talk about screw ups... thankfully the girl who handled the payment and everything was nice enough to let me sit for the test 1st, then accompanied me to the "Closest" ATM... (it wasn't exactly close...).

ok... a question... how do u define being nice? tolerence? kindness?sweet words? a person who treats every1 the same? ppl used to call me a nice guy in the past... now i find it hard to see myself as such... i suppose, when u suffer u remember to treat ppl "nicely"... then when u are free of the suffering, u forget... and Arrogence sets in... That was theory 1...
Theory 2... U have suffered... bearable... but then at 1 point in time u go past the breaking pt... ur heart is broken.. ur faith shattered... u have given her all ur best and nothing comes out of it in the end, promises, hopes, dreams... all ground to nothing. Why care about others when all u get is hurt?
Theory 3... You have suffered... ur spirit broken... moulded to serve, bashed until u don't have the will to think for ur own-polite, quite, obidient. A gentleman if u like, then Freedom comes along and ur true self starts to show... ur ugly, suppressed self...
I hv been thinking about it for sometime... cant find an answer yet, if u like, give ur view :D thx... but its an answer that i believe i need to seek on my own.

Oh and im gonna get a Scorpion M55 tmr! yay... haha... its kinda simple and lacking in the functions of today's phone but with a budget of $200-300... not much i can do.. thank you again, Ying Ying for dumping me into the pool(phone and all) :D... now... to edit my Blog Template...

I Wandered Lonely As A Cloud

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o’er vales and hills;
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the Milky Way;
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay;
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Outdid the sparkling waves in glee;
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company;
I gazed – and gazed – but little thought,
What wealth the show to me had brought;

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood;
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

Morning

After a rather sleepless night.. haha... nah Something that Daphne Said, really got me thinking... so just b4 i logged off last night i posted that rant... n now im wondering... we alwayz refer to this feeling as Love... and Ken asked me last night to define love to this other friend of Mine(Chi)... (Their purpose was purely to jack me and they did succeed), and i thought abt it... isnt it more of an infatuation, or a crush if u prefer... but then can a person actually "like" someone more than is returned? Yes... and finding that out hurt... haha... rather not go into that

Chinese Orchastra... Im leaving now for CO... oh God... i hvnt touched my flute in Ages... wonder wt we'll be doing today... i cant blow for nuts lorh... oh well... juz need to practice i suppose.

Daph, Ur email to the class, the sweetness in the letter touched me.. haha... rock on girl..

Feeling v.confused now... very very confused... what should i do? why have u wrought such feelings within me... why did they surface now... when its probably too late... or too soon for that matter... completely unfounded and definitly dangerous... damn love... damn the drama that is inevitable... damn the pain i hv to remember... ahh... now tts out of my system... i still cant make a decision... fear... oh well... ignore this rant

26 Mar 2004

1SG3...
Amy..
Exhaustion



Yo ho ho... its been a while since i really blogged... oh well, life has been rather uneventful... ah who am i kiddin? The past week has been more nervewreaking then any time of my life... Thank God im back home in ACJC... Its an attachment that defies reason, a dedication that seems absolutely blind.. yet... its there... the "need" to be in ACJC.

1SG3... Im at a lost for words to describve this class, the time spent with you guys has been great, I'll never forget any1 of you... the memories that we have made, the classes, the crossdressing, the funfair, the lame jokes, the scandals, the teasing(hmm...)... Bryan, Alvin, YangFan, Jason, Kevin, Lemin, Kian Wee, Yushu, Edwin, Frederick, Alan, Eugene, Ignatius,Meng Yi, PeiQing, YingYing, KimGek, Fiona, Virn, Daph, Estelle... its been amazing knowing you all... its sad that some of us have switched to different classes, or left AC altogether... we have been quite throughly scattered... SE5 n 6 for must of those remaining in Phy Econs Math, SE4 for Ying Ying, SE3 for myself...I hope we can transfer to SE6 together... the "rojak" class... haha... if not... lets be the bridge between our classes and drag all the SE's together... :D

Amy.. Happy to hear that you are in AC... wow.. taking my combi too... hmm... honestly im rather worried about how i would react to having you in the same class as me, its a nagging fear, but i hope it will not ruin our relationship... jie... i'll look out 4 u dun wry, but it'll be akward for a while at least...

yet again im the only guy taking my combi.. the lone ranger taking SGC... not counting Amy.. haha.. i scanned through the whole list and true enuf... not another SGC in sight... haha... doh. the word "extra" comes to mind. It was exactly the same case in the 1st 3 mths... sianz :S.

ok... got 1 request to ppl reading this blog... link me! haha... i know i asked to keep this private in the past.. but now... oh well.. :D

itchy backside! :D

welcome back to ac, monkey! (:

14 pts... posted to CJC... hmm... not too sure that this was expected but still... not dissapointed really... just hope that i can fit in... AC.. will missya... Computing ppl... SG3... cool dudes n dudettes of AC... tkc and the best is yet 'ta be!

Hmm... arrogance and depression creeping up on me again... pls.. if im behaving like an asshole in front of u... kick we in the ass... hard... thx... need 2 get back on track... :D tkc every1...

Hey there... lets talk crap...

Change
people
the best way may not be the easiest way



lol... i find myself wondering where's my usual ability to chat up a person and hold a long(most of the time meaningful) conversation... for some reason I cant seem to do that with some ppl, and instead i feel like burying my head in the ground. Clumsiness? lack of confidence? guilt? maybe... but i hvnt had 2 use those words to describe me in a long time... get me meaning? why the change i ask... or is it limited to certain ppl...

Aaron once described me as versatile... able to pick up any subj and talk about it... true, im interested in a whole range of things.. Science, Literature, Games, design, Music, Movies, computers, sports, history, books(fiction), politics... but i have never really gone deep into anything... so what happened?

There are ppl with whom i can talk to and relate to easily... be it talking crap or the meaning of life or how life sux, etc.. haha... Estelle, Aaron, Andrew, Kian Wee, YangFan... these are some ppl I can talk to so so easily.. ppl whom i have confided in and trust for serious matters...Ben, Amy/Claudelle, Simun... ppl whom i like alot but cant seem to get to ... Virnice, Sonia, Charlotte, Ian Tatt...

Confidence is the major factor... that is what i have come to conclude... all the bluster and air... lolz... well... not really... I can still be egoistic to some ppl(chill estelle), but its all for a good laugh... in truth im so unsure of many choices iv made, should i even stay on in JC... should i have been a better guy in my past relationships... should i... every time i look back i see my blunders.

I gv most ppl the impression that im REALLY quiet when they 1st meet me... im no extrovert... so yeah... sry if im a pain to hang out with... :) chill out... in the mean time i will just let another oppurtunity pass by me.. might regret it in the future but We'll let Fate decide what course i will hv to take...

p.sAwfully disjointed... I wrote this over 3 days... but yepz... too lazy to rewrite it properly... oh well.. the meaning is sufficiently clear i suppose... besides... my mind is tt clogged up now... oh and did i mention that with me new hair cut i look like Gendo from Evangelion(according to Ben anyway.......)

Hi ppl... so sry for the infrequent posts... will work on it soon... haha... and also i'll be setting up a personal website if i have the time.. haha... can any1 reccommend a good host..

Hello, This is just a clearification....

chrischua87@hotmail.com ->mail for general correspondence, I will check this the most often and MSN Messenger
chriscai87@hotmai.com ->For official emails, and MSN messenger, I will only check this once in a while
antaeuscai@yahoo.com.sg->for large mails and Web Development newsletters etc... I usually click empty trash without checking... haha... so yea.. try not to send to this mail

Im recieving a lot of Junk in my yahoo account now... working to clear out the stupid subscriptions that i have no memory signing up for... so yep... DO NOT send any mail there...

A Letter...

about me....
friends



After hearing what a friend said today i was compelled to pen my thoughts down(or in this case digitize)... family, friends... which is more important...i guess its dependent on how close to either of them you are... Living away from my parents and with a large degree of freedom has given me a different outlook on the topic of trust and companionship... how so... read on...

Friends-I have spent most of the past year in the company of friends, i called Oldham Hall home... and Aaron, Ben, Andrew, Pedro, Andra, Kevin, Shunjing, Jonathan... they were my brothers... ppl i could trust to be there when i was in need... ppl i would be willing to sacrifice for... Amy, Charlotte, Simun... They were there through out my emotional crisis-ES... now in ACJC ive got friends... ppl i can trust.. Hong Xuan, Estelle, Sonia,Virnice ... But why i have not developed my relationships with them? i do not know... Honestly i've been really close friends with Estelle sure... but she dosent know all that rages within me sometime... (note to cow: We are alike in this way...) I keep in well buried...

There was once, Sonia said this in computing class, "I may be Naive, but i believe i have many true friends... more than i can count with...." *applause... I find yet another reason to respect her...

some ppl have the luck in finding true friends... i hv been on such blessed person... Ken Chin, Ben Moey, Aaron, Colin(yes wow suprise...), Simun, estelle... to name a few off hand... there are only a few whoom i do not trust fully... but it is probably just the clashes between our characters... there is one exception... and i will vent it at the end of this blog...

hmm... now some of you may feel that friends hard to trust... you have been backstabbed, let down, left behind oh so many times... but do not judge every1 with a lens colored by such experiances... every1 is different... whether or not they can be trusted, will only be told by time... it might be hard.. but i have found that if you are willing to open up to ppl... they will open up to you... its a matter of mutual trust i believe...

Again as i told a friend... DO NOT listen or follow blindly what ever ppl say... including me... There are definitly flaws in my way of living life... and also you are only that much similar to me... just... hope that my experiances will help you if you are confused or in need of some1 to relate to...

Charlotte... I do not know when or whether you will read this...I am sick of keeping this inside me so here goes...know that i am extremely disappointed with the way you led me on... the way you did NOT even tell me about your crush in AJ... i expected honesty... i expected trust... did you not learn from what you went through with Felix? in---credible... damn... I still think of you.. i still worry for you.. but do i hear from you? Fuck no...
must I always ask how you have been? having convs that last slightly over 4 sms-es? must i always ask Amy how YOU are doing... must i WONDER how it came to the point that you forgot HOW MUCH I CARE... CARE NOT CARED... has it? must it?

Im done ranting... wow... 1 vulgarity... i expected more...

wheeeeee..! am here to crash your blog again! :D

mm no need to apologize man. i should be the one apologizing cos i screwed your blog. okay so now we dont owe each other anymore ya :)

mmhmm. the tag board looks okay what! its the quote of the day that needs a 'lil fixing and tadah!

why do i sound so happy :|

well, see ya in school then!

Thanks alot once again to Virn... I've added the TagBoard and Quote of the day again.... tried to correct the width but oh well. haha.. will deal with it soon.. til then bear with me! think i messed up the boxes.. doh! sry Virn :)

okay done with the template and i decided to drop you a note!
BUT i screwed it up :|

mm anw, you still have your tagbox, quote of the day thing and the links ya.
yep.

Hey every1! i dont hv much time to write a comprehensive blog entry... or change my template.. but yep... this is pretty meaningful... especially when i heard what a friend has to say today in class about her friends... I hv been really lucky in my life to meet so many ppl who are must certainly true friends... :D from Jagoh Pri, Barker, outside of school... and now in ACJC... count them? nah... tt'll take sometime... but again it leads back to my previous post... im guilty of not keeping in contact with them... more on this in my next post i suppose... (",)

A FRIEND IS A TREASURE

A friend is someone we turn to
When our spirits need a lift,
A friend is someone we treasure
For our friendship is a gift,
A friend is someone who fills our lives
With beauty, joy, and grace
And makes the world we live in
A better and happier place.