and the curtain closes... shoo... go away... you do not belong here.

friend.
there is just too much to explain and i have neither the time nor energy anymore...

so many thoughts running through my head... doubt i'll slp anytime soon tonight... what the fuck am i doing with my life? im so sure of where i wanna be in my adult "professional" life... but why am i not able to be the way i was before? the responsible and caring me... what the fuck is happening to me?
spiralling deeper and deeper into the darkness that is the void of my heart.
Im so sick of alot of things i have done. I could not find a person in my life i find more disgusting than myself... so much remorse permeates through everything im doing... why me? why the fuck does this decay have to fill me? fuck....

Smile when you can. laugh as much as you can... the world will take those away easily and soon enough... in the end... judgement will fall on people... and i know some people who deserve the mercy that has been shown... but for every 1 of them.... a thousand sinners exist... put a knife through my lifeless heart...

For your sake... as well as mine.

thus closes aueralis... a chapter of happiness in my life... 16 May 2005. 01:30...

cant slp....

excrept from
The Way I am... - Eminem

But at least have the decency in you
To leave me alone, when you freaks see me out
In the streets when i'm eatin or feedin my daughter
To not come and speak to me (speak to me)..
I don't know you and no,
I don't owe you a mo-therfuck-in thing
I'm not mr. n'sync, i'm not what your friends think
I'm not mr. friendly, i can be a prick
If you tempt me my tank is on empty (is on empty)..
No patience is in me and if you offend me
I'm liftin you 10 feet (liftin you 10 feet).. in the air
I don't care who is there and who saw me destroy you
Go call you a lawyer, file you a lawsuit
I'll smile in the courtroom and buy you a wardrobe
I'm tired of all you (of all you)..
I don't mean to be mean but that's all i can be is just me