I Live...

Whee... nearly back to normal... throat still killing me... damn damn damn... i realise now what was the cause of the depression... or rather... what is the cause...
do you believe in premonition...

I don't... but this was eerily close to what i would call a premonition. Then again, I don't believe in tooth faries. OK, that didn't make sense... I'll log off now... before i stop making sense... which i did........


...sometime ago...

Peace out...(Random.... again)

p.s not so sure my brain recovered just yet.

I awake

Depression sets in...

where are you?
I cant see you...
I reach for you...
I fall short..
fall deep... deep into the darkness...

help me...

a burst of light,
a white flame,
a flare in the darkness of my hole...
I cling desperately to you...
where are you?

I still cant see you...
yet i feel you,
I cant hear you,
yet i am kept warm in your embrace.
where are you?

I emerge from the tunnel.
No, wait...
We emerge from the tunnel.
You pull me away from the darkness..
I can see you now.

A beautiful face, a beautiful soul...
filling with light, a loveless hole...



just woke up suddenly... and had to complete this... i actually started the 1st line when i made this blog skin... and yeah... was just inspired to finish the rest... its not really a peom or anything... just a snippet of my thoughts...

there is so much to live for... so much to die for... depression and delight fill me all at once.. am I going crazy?

11:33 PM, 26th Jan 2005
Antaeus...
Chris... out.

38.1 and rising...



warning, brain temp rising

jeez... i spent almost the whole bloody day sleeping.. my temp isnt getting any better though... bloody 'ell. Gonna skip sch again tmr... hopefully go see a doc. *grinz... just wanna say that Addy is the best... she like came over as soon as she finished sch with Chi Med and fruits and stuff...
oh and a shout out to those who wished me a speedy recovery and stuff:D thx so much... its great to know that ppl care...

*Brain temperature critical*

Even though ive been in the aircon room for like hours... My body is like a furnace... and yeah, i cant really think straight right now. On the bright side, i got to watch part of the LOTR appendix today... My cousin got the Extended edition of the LOTR Trilogy... like... wow.... 2 DVDs of the extended movie, 2 DVDs of Documentry... 3 hours in each DVD of Documentry... guess i'll be watching it tmr or studying... :P must see doctor... erg...

*Brain overheats at this point*

I feel..... like crap....


ok.. i was about to write shit... but decided to be less vulgur... anywayz... im at home this tuesday morning, stoned and lathargic(which mean the same thing, shows just how latargic i am) cant seem to move without getting a huge pounding in my head... haha... ok ok it isnt that bad, but the fever mite be getting worse, even after spending like 12 hours in an Aircon-ed room, my cousin said my temp was high... just by feeling my arm :/...in short...

crap

anywayz, since i finally have time to chill out and blog, whats been up man? hows your daughter?

i don't believe i didnt know of Eminem's album release last year... :P Mocking bird is a good song:P and 50 cent's 99 problems is cool too *grinz... think im getting influenced by Hongda.... *dotz...

which brings me to something i wanted to say sometime ago but never got a chance to sit and blog... Every person has their own talents, likes... but a reason why there is hate and conflict is that people believe that they dislike something, there is absolutely no reason to believe that you or what you support is superior to another's. none at all. But yet we section off people, we fear them, we outcast some, stone some, in the end it only serves to breed injustice and hate. Justice in it self is Judgement, where in people are judged as criminals and offenders etc... these outcasts of society are thrown into prisons and locked away... Unforgivable, these people deserve to be in the state that they are. Contradictory to what i said? Yes, but it is another gray area....

Criminals do things that hurt other people for their own selfish gain, and though this happens discreetly nowadays, it is very easy to catch those who's selfishness manifest themselves in such overt ways. As compared to Bosses mistreating their employees, people manipulated others to gain advantages... yeah... all part of life aint it? Which is why it is kinda sad... no.... very sad.

K... better get back to work... depression sets in when im not occupied... Strange... must be the damn fever frying my brain....

The loss of someone i do not know... yet frighteningly close...


Though i do not know you... may your soul find peace and your family remember your love through the grief...

Life is so fleeting... *sigh... Dear Lord... You call so many people to your side each day, and though we know this to be the way, it does not make it easier to bid our loved ones good bye... I think of the briefness of life, the finality of death.. and I am afriad... what would I do if someone closer to me passed on from this world... what if I couldn't see, couldn't touch, couldn't hear someone who meant so much to me... what would i do....

What is important... death make you think of that question... what is important in your life.....

Welcome!

hey all... juz a change to a darker background... image again from Getty Images... :D I just love photoshop and the wonders it can work.

Adel is comin over to study later, whee... to be honest, its the times where you have to choose btwn commitment and freedom that you truly see how much love can affect you. I just wish that the trust in relationships can allow both to grow seperatly yet as one.. *grinz... working towards that.

Therion... signing off... AnT@euS... is back in

Breathe...

gosh... work work.. and more work.. J2 kicks arse... my arse. Hvnt been blogging as much as before and my spelling is down the drain... again.. yar!

In computing now, feeling good about things to come and well i dun hv much to blog... besides, the past weeks wasn't that great anyway:/

heez... Heya Keith! whats been up dude? lets have a gaming session sometime *grinz.. hvnt fragged you in Renagade(with style) in a long time.

changing blog background in progress.....

Sometimes we fight, sometimes we cry, sometimes we feel hurt, sometimes we hurt... but remember that through all these times, we come out stronger than before... and we will prevail. Thank you for being the light... in this dark dark tunnel

You - Groove Coverage

Never ever deep in love never had a home,
others holding hands all day while I was on my own.

Would you take my hand would you run away with me,
to a destination where we can be so free.

Never ever felt this way where have you been before,
I was searching all my life now you knock on my door.

Would you take my hand would you ran away with me to a destination where we can be so free...

...We can be, you can be, they can be too,
as long as there's eternity as long as there is you...




Some times the world may seem unfair, hard, uncaring... but remember that I will be with you always....

hmm... its barely into the second week and im quite nearly swamped with work... haha... as of yet im still coping, and slacking to tell the truth :P. in computing lecture now and im multitasking... hey I am listening... i swear!

Upcoming change of blog skin, well not really a change, layout and coding will be the same. Just chaning background image. *stretch... Mr Comp Lecturer(his name, i forget) just mentioned "garbage collection"... hmm... where in space(memory) is cleared up after it has been used and is not USEFUL anymore... i guess tt sums up what iv been thinking about for the past few months... (yes months...) there are things that happen to us in life that we might harp on again and again... and it is hard to forget sometimes... but we need to let go... move on with life... These regrets are no longer useful. The important thing is to learn from our mistakes and not live ot regret our mistakes...
1. It is all that is needed.
2. We can grow faster.
3.We have less gray hair

kz... better get back to listening to that dude... :P Rusty ol' me...

argh.. my eyez...

*yawnz... been focusing on things less than half a metre from my eyes for way too long.. haha.. i can actually feel my eyes aching... am at Addy's place now studying. Taking a break from the STOOPID AE tutorial for Physics.. haha...

ok, an update on life in general... Work is piling on like crazy but things seem to be on an upward trend :D

Im STONED... shant blog now.. really not inspired to type

he's been fockerised...

Meet the fockers was Damn Funny :D

Lose it. (arh arh arh arh arh) Go Crazy(arh arh arh arh arh)

whoop! im NuTTz!

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(please ignore the moment of insanity)

In the wake of the waves

over the past few days I've been slogging non-stop to finish my home work... but inbetween, I heard the reports of the magnitude of destruction... My heart really goes out to those people that have lost, and prayers to those who work tirelessly to help the people left behind in the wake of such destruction.

As i watched Pleasentville last night, it struck me as a good movie with a good message... the POWER of change... how fitting it is for starting a new year, 2005. *smile... do not be afraid of change, and as it was so aptly put, the only thing constant in life is that things will always change.

Peace... and have a Blessed New Year