so many thoughts running through my head... doubt i'll slp anytime soon tonight... what the fuck am i doing with my life? im so sure of where i wanna be in my adult "professional" life... but why am i not able to be the way i was before? the responsible and caring me... what the fuck is happening to me?
spiralling deeper and deeper into the darkness that is the void of my heart.
Im so sick of alot of things i have done. I could not find a person in my life i find more disgusting than myself... so much remorse permeates through everything im doing... why me? why the fuck does this decay have to fill me? fuck....

Smile when you can. laugh as much as you can... the world will take those away easily and soon enough... in the end... judgement will fall on people... and i know some people who deserve the mercy that has been shown... but for every 1 of them.... a thousand sinners exist... put a knife through my lifeless heart...

For your sake... as well as mine.

thus closes aueralis... a chapter of happiness in my life... 16 May 2005. 01:30...